COVID-19, Week Three: Is something wrong if nothing feels wrong?

THIS COVID-19 DIARY FOR MY KIDS… AND THEIR KIDS. Read our illustrious Week One HERE (complete with a can-do attitude & God-Is-Watching-Us hope). Our Week Two can be found HERE (chock-full of rationing & rage for most everyone on Facebook to shut-up). 

Today is Palm Sunday. And I feel fine.

Besides ushering in an official CDC recommendation to wear masks in public places, this past Week Three had me sincerely wondering: Why am I not going crazy being at home? What is wrong with me? Is something wrong if nothing feels wrong?

We’re home, we’re happy, we’re living life without deep disruption to our mental health as it existed before this (as of yet).

Homeschool has continued to rock (that’s not sarcastic — my family and I are choosing to conquer this tragic time by fiercely following directions like we’re getting a prize at the end). We’re creating fun, getting worksheets and online math games done and overcoming normal snippy outbursts between siblings & spouses that erupt every several days (outbursts that happened before this pandemic, mind you). A snake showed up in our front yard April Fool’s Day (which predictably had me freaking out on my doorstep — real-time footage here). I’ve been fashion-showing my entire collection of leggings & off-the-shoulder loungewear on the daily (makeup happening once a week just to remind myself of ME). I’ll smash up a quickie Facebook LIVE (on the weekday I put on makeup — last week was about kids making lunch themselves) to satisfy & maintain some kind of on-camera persona. I ventured to the market for the first time in weeks to stock up with what I hope will last me close to a month (still no flour for me to buy — but whatever at this point).

Yeah, we’re bummed about missing school / dance class / church / family & friends (and I had a bit of panic 2 weeks ago — after scrolling Facebook too much)… but all is well. Fine. Happy. I’m not close to ‘going crazy’ like all those memes about ‘moms losing our minds at home’ — sorry, I just don’t relate and actually get really annoyed when I see how many are relishing in this trendy ‘I’m losing it’ narrative (don’t hate me). My kids aren’t cranky or sad — they’re drawing and swimming and playing nonstop. My husband is cool and collected — even after I snapped at him for drinking way too much of the brand new freshly-squeezed orange juice I just scored at the grocery store in one single serving. Yesterday, we all hopped in the car to drive past some famous movie-spots in Pasadena (the houses appearing in Back to the Future and Father of the Bride) and then returned home to watch the movies so we could “oooh!” and “ahhhh!” about how we just visited those iconic places a few hours previously.

As I write this, I have a pork shoulder slow-cooking in my oven (since 10am this morning) and am excited as hell to eat it tonight, at our ‘fancy’ dining room table, alongside a to-die-for apple pie I bought weeks ago in Pismo Beach and have been saving in my freezer for the perfect occasion. FINE. HAPPY.

This isn’t some kind of manufactured front, this is the truth. We’re all good. And, part of me is starting to worry why I’m no longer feeling all that worried about the present and future outcome of this safer-at-home situation that’s apparently driving everyone else nuts.

The only answer I can come up with? FAITH. (It lives here year-round but seems to get an extra surge every Holy Week…)

In the words of our church’s Der Hayr [Armenian priest] from his Palm Sunday livestream this morning: “Fear is the opposite of faith.” He explained how feeling fear and facing it head-on is THE DEFINITION of faith. (He’s right.) So then it’s no coincidence that California’s projected ‘spike’ in COVID-19 numbers is expected to happen during this Holy Week ahead…

Well played. WELL. PLAYED.

Because being at home, with the people we love the most, should never be scary or panic-inducing or confusing… even in the worst world situations. And it’s our job to make sure our kids feel this — because anything less than that is wrong.