Mother’s Day wish list: Consider yourself warned.

Dear everyone (especially Husband),

Last week you asked me if there was anything in particular on my Mother’s Day wish list. I said No, don’t be silly. I lied. Here’s what I’d love for Mother’s Day this year. (You asked, so please don’t be confused when you read it in print.) The following requests have been well thought out and detail the truth… and nothing but the truth. (So help me God.)

Most of these requests are pretty cheap. Here goes:

1) I’d like to not be responsible for feeding anyone.

2) I’d like to not be responsible for dressing anyone.

3) I’d like to not be responsible for changing anyone’s princess gown for the fourteenth time because they’d prefer to run around naked while squealing and cackling hysterically like a mini-hyena because it’s so funny. (It is funny I guess.)

4) I’d like to not be responsible for doing anything associated with the kitchen, the bathrooms, the dishwasher, the laundry, the floors… (let your imagination run wild).

5) I’d like to not be responsible for dumping any and all contents that may appear in the mini-potty into the big potty. (I suppose this is repetitive of request #4, but I wanted to be very specific so that there’s no confusion.)

6) I’d like a mimosa upon waking up and stumbling into the kitchen. And french toast with whipped cream. And a fancy sweet espresso-like coffee… also with whipped cream. All served on my most favorite fancy fine china plates. (Oops. Scratch that fancy china plates thing… no one else is allowed to hand wash those except me and that reality would seriously conflict with request #4.)

7) I’d like to be sent away on some kind of alone-time adventure of relaxation, fun and/or leisurely activity. Somewhere that doesn’t require me speaking to anyone at all (unless if I want to order some kind of boozy fizzy cocktail).

8) I’d like to spend the day with my mom. (I would.)

9) I’d like to sleep without being interrupted.

10) I’d like to return home after all of this leisurely galavanting to an immaculate house, empty sink, food-free floors (yes, this still happens) and not one single exasperated look or comment about how you’re “so wiped out” you might be after I’ve been gone for only 4-5 hours. Been there, done that. Don’t wanna hear it.

At the completion of this list, I’d also like to scoop up and hug and squeeze my most favorite little lady loves dressed in fabulous sundresses. And then hit up a fancy (but still family friendly) place for a festive early dinner of Italian food. With more dessert. Because through all the daily hard core manual labor, burnout, timeouts, challenges and beyond… this mom thing is my most fun, precious, incredible, inspiring and favorite experience yet.

I just want some alone time. (It’s what most every mom wants, actually.)

So now you have the list. Can we make this happen? (Told you most everything was cheap.)