Celebrity mom, baby weight & bouncing back. Talk about a loaded topic. Let’s talk about it. Gaining weight, losing weight, how new mom celebrities make us feel bad. Correction: How they make SOME PEOPLE feel bad. As a lone duck I’ll shout that no woman should feel bad when seeing svelte new celebrity moms… opt to feel empowered instead. (No, I’m not drunk.)
This is a sensitive topic (duh) but please keep in mind that what you’re about to read is coming from a very humble and most honest place… in the name of giving us women POWER. It’s based on my personal experience. It’s my genuine authentic opinion. As we all value, everyone is allowed to have their own opinion based on their own experiences. One of my opinions also happens to involve the idea that REGULAR women can pull off our own, mini-versions of how new celebrity moms look after having babies.
Beyonce, before & after. Image courtesy of Celebuzz.
As twisted as this sounds, I was fascinated by images of Hollywood moms who bounced back quickly after baby when I was pregnant (okay, I was a little obsessed…). I never felt ‘bad’ or ‘pressured’ when I saw their impossibly-fit bods, showcasing how they returned to their former selves within a few months after delivery (hello, it’s kind of their job to fascinate us). Brooke Burke-Charvet, Bethenny Frankel, Miranda Kerr, Beyonce and Gisele Bundchen were some of my faves. But instead of feeling inferior about my own ‘regular gal’ status, I actually felt challenged. Yes, I’m fully aware I’m not a celebrity… but just like the regular feature in US Weekly says: “Stars… they’re just like us!” (It’s true. I’ve interviewed most of them.)
Remember this? Bethenny Frankel 2010. Image courtesy of She Knows Reality TV Magazine.
My delusional musings happened with both of my pregnancies/babies (babies born September 2010 and March 2012). Maybe my hormones were working a number on me. Let’s see if I can get close to pulling off what they pull off… without airbrushing. So I tried. Yes, they’ve got trainers and tons of hired help (and I didn’t… still don’t)… I’ve never claimed to have a supermodel bod (or ever will have, for that matter) but I was intent to get back to MY body after my babies were born. You know, the body I actually had just before getting knocked up (as opposed to the body in my head that had the most incredibly-cut upper arms ever). I was gonna get back to MY BODY. Or close to it. DONE.
A motivational word to the newly-pregnant: Don’t let media chatter about how celebrities set an impossible standard bring you down. If you mindfully take care of your health and fitness before getting pregnant (and during), almost every woman can bounce back within a few months. You won’t return to your high school body, or the body you WISH you had, but you will most likely get pretty damn close to the body YOU REALLY HAD just before pregnancy.
I’m no certified fitness/health expert (and I can’t speak to the issue of carrying twins, having to go on bed-rest or having a high-risk pregnancy), but here’s what I found to be the secret for bouncing back quickly (for us regular women): MAKE A CONSCIOUS EFFORT TO GAIN PREGNANCY WEIGHT WITHIN MEDICALLY-SUGGESTED PARAMETERS. Is it possible? Yes. Is it possible for everyone? No. But all you can do it try. From what my own OB/GYN told me back in the day: For a healthy woman to grow ONE baby, it is generally recommended that weight gain (over nine months) hover between 25-35 pounds…. maybe even up to 40 if you were especially petite to begin with. In other words, it’s NOT healthy to gain 50, 60, 70 or even more pounds like mainstream media talk steers society to believe. (Sorry, Jessica Simpson, but all that bragging about those reported 50 pounds – maybe more – is not responsible or healthy. My doc would’ve been on your back about gestational diabetes. And no, she’s not some ‘freak LA quack.’) I am so exhausted by talking heads pretending that it’s ok for women to gain an excessive, unhealthy amount of weight from donuts, ice cream and chips and dip on account of being ‘pregnant’. Yes, you should be gaining weight, but you should not be gorging for the sport of it. Additionally, it seems that if anyone (especially a woman) has an opinion about how packing on major pounds during pregnancy is not okay, it’s immediately scolded, hushed and called ‘anti-woman’. This encourages a dangerous precedent concerning good health for pregnant women (and their unborn babies). It’s NOT okay to risk diabetes and other issues related to obesity (for you and your unborn baby). IT’S. NOT. HEALTHY. I’m well aware that my point of view is in the minority, but I know there are other women who feel this same way about pregnancy weight gain/loss (you’ve emailed me for heaven’s sake).
For kicks, I went back to something I wrote (on this blog) back in 2011… 6 months after LadyP was born. Some of what I wrote made me want to vomit (on account of my immaturity), but I still stand behind the philosophy I touted:
YES, IT IS POSSIBLE – AND PERSONALLY SUGGESTED, FROM EXPERIENCE – TO QUICKLY BOUNCE BACK (PHYSICALLY) AFTER HAVING A BABY. If you don’t go overboard with weight gain, then yes, you too can bounce back like a mini-celebrity. And anyone that calls you an unrealistic skinny-bitch for thinking (and living) this way should be ignored. I write these words as a ‘skinny-bitch’ new mom (so I’ve actually been called to my face from a fellow mother whom I just met at the time, which didn’t make me feel weird/guilty/sad/judged at all)… I don’t have servants, I don’t have a nanny that enables me to do sit-ups all day, I don’t have a housekeeper, and I don’t have the endless assistance of my own mom in town to help me. Many times I don’t have a husband around either (thanks to his crazy work schedule… and NO, I haven’t employed any of his services as of yet). I only share this with you to assure you that I haven’t been on some secluded & absurd celebrity workout regime to return to my pre-baby self after having babies.
9 months (LilMiss). February 2012.
The first time I pulled this off in late 2010 I thought I was lucky (maybe I was). The second time I did it (a year-and-a-half later, Spring 2012) I was convinced I discovered a secret superpower and brainstormed ways I could bottle and sell it (unfortunately not possible). But the fact that my little sister and a few close friends also successfully did this (all of us having completely different body types) made me believe from the bottom of my soul: Different shapes of regular women can return to their own personal pre-baby weight fairly quickly after having babies and squeeze into most of our pre-baby wardrobe a few months after popping out a newborn. It has nothing to do with pressure, starvation, excessive exercising or selfishly neglecting your newborn… it has everything to do with empowerment, a healthy attitude during pregnancy, respect for your body (and self) and keeping your wits somewhat in tact.
Take care of yourself BEFORE and during pregnancy. If you are in good shape before pregnancy and do your part to minimally maintain your body around your growing belly, naturally-existing muscle-memory will kick in a few months after that baby is out and you just might return closer to your pre-baby bod earlier than you thought, despite how society seems to tell women that they shouldn’t. I’m all for gaining weight to get a healthy baby, but part of getting a healthy baby is to healthfully gain weight… not to gorge for the novelty of it just because you’re pregnant. Eat one order of french fries…. not 100. Or, don’t act confused when you’re still having trouble losing baby weight a year later.
Getting back to your pre-baby weight months after delivery (or within a few pounds) is pure math. Consider this: the actual baby, the ‘extra birth stuff’ (placenta, amniotic fluid, etc), the water & extra blood volume that you lose the following weeks after birth (eww, I know, but necessary to mention) typically adds up to around 15-20 pounds (I got this info from my own doctors, and I also found it listed on Canada’s BabyCenter site). After all that junk is outta your system, you’ve only got about 10-15 pounds to lose post-birth (if you stuck to the recommended pregnancy weight gain standards of 25-35 pounds). Losing 10 pounds doesn’t seem so daunting and stressful, now does it? (Experts say that losing 10 lbs can be healthfully done in 1-2 months with diet and exercise… and if you’re breastfeeding, then hey, you might hit that goal sooner.) Cut some calories here and there, keep moving around your own house picking up and cleaning up and it will happen without you having to freak out about it.
Thank you Tauts Belly Wrap! 2 weeks after LilMiss was born (in the chair).
Now I’m going to really go off the rails… Here are my personal facts & stats (I will preface this whole thing by saying that I was admittedly in great shape before my first pregnancy). Ready? Weight gained during first pregnancy: 29 pounds. Back in my old jeans and pre-preg weight about 2 months afterwards. Exercise during first pregnancy: walking around neighborhood and/or treadmill a few times a week for about 30 minutes, 10 or 20 pushups against my bathroom counter before brushing my teeth, 10 or 20 butt squats before going to bed (my husband loved making fun of me for those). Weight gained during second pregnancy: 32 pounds. Or maybe 33. Don’t remember. Exercise during second pregnancy: Ha. Like I had time to go to the gym between my one year old (at that time) and work gigs (I did manage to take walks here and there and kept doing those sporadic pushups/squats in my bathroom though). Exercise after [both] babies were born: I did it (sparingly) when I could (after 8-10 weeks passed…. C-sections for both births). I kept my bathroom fitness routine going when I wasn’t obsessed with laying down and going to sleep, but DOING MY OWN HOUSEWORK kept me most active. No joke. (I kind of abused my SwifferWetJet.) Not to mention I probably didn’t eat as much as I did before babies just because I was [still am, actually] time-crunched with a toddler and infant. Cramming small bits of things in my mouth when I could became a sport and a challenge. Not to mention, my tummy insides had a lot of help post-birth thanks to my undying affection for my Tauts Belly Wrap that I wore morning, noon and night for 40 days after delivery (I wasn’t afraid to admit it).
Which leads me to my final point (at last, if you’ve even made it this far). DON’T FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING TO RETURN TO YOUR PRE-PREGNANCY SELF (AS SOON AS YOU WANT TO) AFTER HAVING A BABY.
As for celebs? They just returned to the same person they were before getting pregnant. (And with the help of trainers too… but those are jut career perks for them.) I can attest that bouncing back to myself quickly actually boosted my confidence and emotional strength… and I fully believe it’s made me the best mom I can be for my girls. I was [am] happy, settled, stress-free (most of the time) and content when I looked [look] in the mirror because I recognized [and still recognize] the woman looking back at me. So the next time you think of chastising or scolding a new mom for looking suspiciously good after having a baby and internally (or verbally) accuse her of neglecting her new infant for the sake of looking like she never even had a baby in the first place, please rethink it. It hurts our feelings to hear things like that just as much as it’s hurtful to call someone fat. Believe it or not, some of us those ‘skinny-bitches’ happen to be pretty decent at this mom-thing (and have happy and balanced babies too). We may be lucky, but we also might have just began our pregnancies with the ‘after’ result in the back of our minds. The phrase ‘taking care of your family’ includes setting a good example, and letting yourself run wild beyond healthy limits during pregnancy (backing yourself into a corner to become a physical and mental mess that lasts more than 2-3 months after having your baby) is not a good example. Don’t sell yourself short what you can and can’t do if approached in a healthy, educated way… even during pregnancy and after you have a baby. So thank you, Beyonce, Bethenny, Gisele, Brooke and Miranda. You inspired me, and continue to do so. And it’s ok to feel fabulous about that.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT CELEBRITY MOMS’ POST-BABY BODS? ARE THEY INSPIRING OR FRUSTRATING?
(DISCLAIMER: This article does not aspire to offer medical advice, and only offers opinion/anecdotes based on author’s personal experience and health history. Every pregnancy is different, and every woman should consult her doctor to insure a healthy body, baby, delivery and beyond.)
I totally agree with everything you said. By the time I went back to work (8 weeks) I had lost most of the weight and by 3 months, I could see a few stomach muscles, thanks to my pre-baby muscle memory. In addition to exercising before, during, and after pregnancy, I also used ace bandages to wrap my entire waist day and night. I started out with the Belly Bandit but soon realized I couldn’t pull it tight enough so I used ace bandages (like a corset). It worked like a charm and I was able to maintain my Beyonce/hour glass shape. It is OK to be a good mom and want to look and feel good about yourself.
I would just like to say thank you for this article. I enjoyed your advice! I searched the web on suggestions for how to get your pre-baby body and this is what I found… So for me to read the comments that this shouldn’t even be discussed- well I disagree! I did not think you were judging those that gained more weight than you- just simply giving suggestions based on you personal experience. So thanks Jill!
As Kristine mentioned, everyone is different, and just because your pregnancies moved forward one way doesn’t mean that everyone is just like you, and you actually sound pretty judgy yourself with the comments about setting good examples for your family by not running wild with food and getting back in shape in a certain time frame. I am not going to judge you, but your post gives me the impression, right or wrong, that you feel pretty good about yourself. Maybe a little superior even. Perhaps some of the bitch comments are more about that and less about your amazingly speedy celebrity like recovery from pregnancy.
Hi Lee! Thanks for writing in… I really do appreciate and value all points of view. This blog (as mentioned in this disclaimer, and throughout this particular post) is only opinion based on my personal experiences. I do agree very strongly with one thing you mention: YES, I do feel really good about myself… BUT ALL WOMEN SHOULD. Something that gets me down is when I meet amazing, accomplished women don’t feel good about themselves from the inside-out. We should all feel empowered to try, attempt, and/or pull off whatever we want in life. Some things are deep and meaningful, and some things might be more trivial (this topic being one of them). But every single woman across the globe should feel like they are the BEST in all aspects of their own world… there’s really no other way to succeed (on an internal level) these days. I wrote these thoughts in response to the NYT article that was a hot topic of conversation and debate last week. I went over it a million times to try and make sure the tone was strong yet delicate, opinionated yet open. (I guess I have some work to do on that front.) And yes, OF COURSE I know that every woman is different… as I mentioned in my post. As for the ‘skinny bitch’ comments I got from others? Well, they were strangers who I just met and who didn’t know me beforehand…. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts! Have a great week!
Oops! Forgot to include that I’m not the only one with this POV… got a fair amount of love from a shortened version of this article that I posted on ModernMom last week: http://www.modernmom.com/blogs/jill-simonian/can-real-women-do-the-celeb-post-baby-body-bounce-back
To each her own I guess…
Oh, girl I hope you know I am not mad. Of course, I would love to arrange a play date….the sooner, the better. I just felt the need to respond because, just as I wasn’t aware that moms who don’t gain a lot of weight may feel judged, I figured maybe you and your readers may not understand the guilt/shame/disgust that moms feel who do gain a lot of weight, even if they didn’t want/plan/try to. I hate when people imply that if you gain a lot of weight, you must have lost control, or had a free for all for 9 months…or worse, were not healthy, thereby putting your unborn baby at risk. Maybe Jessica Simpson pigged out on cheese fries when she should have had carrot sticks, or maybe she was like me, and had an insatiable appetite with strong food aversions to all things that weren’t carbs. Bottom line is, we all should support one another and not make assumptions about the skinnies or the fatties (I can say that because I was one)! And I do plan to order that belly wrap next time around. Maybe I will lose the weight in 11 months instead of 12 😉
Oh, Jill I think you’re fab, and I would never call you a skinny bitch (maybe just skinny, in a good way), but I don’t think the issue is as black and white as you portray it to be. I gained 60 pounds with my son, and felt like a whale after I delivered. I was depressed and couldn’t bear to look at my flabby belly and fat ass. Did I deserve to feel bad about myself? I don’t think so. Was I irresponsible and reckless with my health during my pregnancy? Absolutely not. I was just hungry, all-the-time. And if I ignored my grumbling belly, I would break into a cold sweat and feel like I would pass out. I couldn’t stomach much more than plain carbs, and so that is what I ate. I was also working a ton throughout my entire pregnancy, so I worried that if I didn’t eat, I would literally pass out. As a result, the scale just kept climbling. My mom, who is a teeny tiny thing, gained about the same amont with both my brother and I, and had a similar experience. Perhaps it is hereditary. I was never running out for In N Out at 2am, I was just eating when I was hungry, which was pretty much non stop. And for you to judge women like me, and make us feel like we were lazy, overindulgent, and glutinous makes me feel just as bad (if not worse) than someone chiding you for being trim a few weeks after giving birth. See, in my opinion we should not talk about this issue at all. One’s new mama body should be off limits for discussion, skinny, chunky or just plain fat. It puts too much pressure on women who are already dealing with the greatest life change in the world….parenthood! And by the way, I did lose the weight, it just took me more than a year. I weaned my son at 18 months, and was able to restrict my calories more, since I wasn’t nursing (another area where you and I differ). I think you’re awesome, and you are strong and sassy, which I love, so please know I am just putting in my two cents. Maybe we can write a Jill vs Kristine blog someday, because while we have many similarities, we can have a good debate as well!
PS I hope NOT to gain anymore than 25 pounds when we finally go for baby #2. God knows I would love not looking like I was stung by a bee with a swollen face in all the hospital photos, but if my body tells me to eat again….well, a mama’s gotta do what a mama’s gotta do 🙂
Kristine! Love you! NO WAY I’m not judging anyone… totally agree that everyone is different. Only reason I wrote this (besides it being a hot news item that Good Afternoon America tackled yesterday) was because I was personally judged because I somehow ended up in the minority group of new moms on the other side of the spectrum. Believe it or not, I actually DID have other women (tell me to my face) “oh you skinny bitch… who’s taking care of your baby while you’re worrying about yourself” and roll their eyes and question me when I told them about my efforts/intent to ‘keep it together’ throughout my pregnancies. They really did make me feel bad, and question that what I did was wrong (one of them even asked me if I ate healthfully while I was pregnant because I was lucky to bounce back… yes, I do agree that a lot of it probably has to do with luck too). I hesitated to write this, simply because I knew it’d probably be misconstrued as an attack on all pregnant women… but I promise from the bottom of my heart it’s NOT… just my observations, feelings and opinions based on my experiences. Just wanted to present the other side of the spectrum… the side that many other women have secretly shared with me… women who have also been chastised and judged because they seemed to bounce back ‘too fast.’ Does this mean that we can’t have a playdate now? I hope not.