Please get off my boob.

Ok, so my title here is probably a bit harsh, but I haven’t finished my coffee yet so I’m using that as an excuse for my brashness. Thanks to the now-infamous Time Magazine cover, recent debates and ongoing media “conversations” about attachment parenting that won’t go away (like on today’s Anderson) I’ve finally hit a breaking point. (And yes, I realize that the cover was a brilliant way to sell magazines… but a debate is a debate.) No offense to any of you out there who believe in and/or practice attachment parenting, but this goes way beyond my attitude against baby carriers or how I feel about breast feeding. To my own shock and horror, turns out I actually do believe in some of the fundamentals of attachment parenting (Google it), but some people just take it too far. (Like the Time Magazine mom.) We all have the right to our own opinions and practices, but let’s continue a conversation here… I’ll go first:

Yes, you should attend to your baby’s needs. Yes, you should make them feel secure. Yes, you should cuddle them when they cry. Yes, you should pick them up as soon as they fidget. Yes, you should hold them in the middle of the night to soothe them to go back to sleep. Yes, you should feed them immediately when they are hungry. Yes, you should play with them, look deep into their eyes, smile, giggle, touch and talk to them as though they are going to maintain a conversation with you. Yes, you should be their number one caretaker, friend, guardian and mentor.

The Happiest Baby on the Block (which was the ONLY book I ever read about parenting before my first baby was born) makes a case how the first three months of a child’s life are all about adjustment from the womb into the real world. In theory, swaddling, tightly holding them close, swinging and those loud “ssshhhhhhing” noises all make baby feel as though they’re still in the womb…. and slowly adjusts them to being outside of the womb as they grow. Again, I repeat: THE FIRST THREE MONTHS. Beyond that, I personally believe (and practice) that you should still do all of the above… BUT IN AN ADJUSTED WAY.

Let them cry a little bit. Don’t make a habit of co-sleeping… get that baby out of your bedroom and into their own space at 3 months (unless there is a health issue, of course). Hold them, but then put them down (and let them cry a little bit). You see where I’m going…. let them self-soothe. (Yes, I know that every baby is different… but it’s my personal belief – and experience with 2 now – that how your baby acts is a direct reflection of how you treat them.) If you’re nervous, they will be too. If you can’t detach from them, they won’t detach from you. Maybe not ever.

Stars and proponents of attachment parenting like Mayim Bialik say that the practices are what us “mammals” are supposed to do. Dr. Sears recently said on The Today Show that it’s “what we’d do if we were on a desert island.” True. But last time I checked, mammals on desert islands didn’t keep crazy job schedules, clean their own houses, blog, text or tweet.

No, I’m not a bitch. I’m just a mom who loves her babies more than she could’ve ever imagined, want them to be self-sufficient, to be able to handle things as they grow up, to be able to adjust to any situation in life and to know that – even though they are loved and supported beyond belief – that the whole world does not revolve around them. And I also want a little bit of time to myself (and my body) in the meantime.

Being a fabulous parent is knowing what your kids need… and DON’T need. And raising your kids in the present world we live in… as opposed to what it’d be like on a desert island somewhere.

I guess I just believe in the way I was raised, that’s all. So far, it’s working. I suppose it can all go to hell in handbasket at any point, but until then I’m sticking to my guns. Everyone at my house sleeps when they should (most of the time), everyone eats when they should (most of the time) and everyone is happy (most of the time). When LadyP feels the need to flip out (welcome soon, terrible 2’s) I IGNORE her. None of this coddling and asking and reasoning what went wrong and why. She doesn’t yet know how to reason… she’s not even 2. So I pay no attention, she calms herself down and we’re back to being BFFs. Ask her, she’ll tell you.

I’m just curious to find out whether the grown products of extreme attachment parenting will ever appropriately move out of the house, get a job, etc etc. And will any hesitation to do so be caused by the kid who doesn’t want to move out, or the mom who doesn’t want the kid to move out? Or neither. I could be an ignorant dummy full of hot air (which is totally possible). Hmmmmm.

Now you go… and don’t hold back.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ATTACHMENT PARENTING?