Parenting Fails = Quite possibly worst words in the world. I must rant about this. I’m SICK of hearing moms say “I feel like I’m failing.” It also tries my patience hearing moms say they feel “guilty.” Stop it. Now. Because you’re not, you shouldn’t… and it’s offending me. Every time a woman says “failure” or “guilt” the weight of the meaning multiplies and seeps into our own heads… affecting everything you (we) do and how you (we) do it for the worse.
Compliments of Femamom.com
Yes, moms are many times stretched too thin. Yes, moms are tired. Yes, moms have to be everything for everyone. Some of us wish we worked less, some of us wish we worked more. But women are the superior gender, remember? As someone who started motherhood with epidurals and two C-sections (and then didn’t breastfeed – gasp!), I pretty much went against all the “things you should do” philosophies that LA-based new mother support groups so firmly stand against. (Even the nurse at the hospital commented on how much of a “shame” it was that I opted for a second C-section. Please.)
But I don’t feel guilty about my choices. At all. I can’t. They worked for me at the time and I’ve moved on… happily. If I’d dwelled on any internal doubts… I would’ve started my motherhood experience an unstable mess. Not good for anybody. My time is too valuable for nonsense like guilt and thoughts of failure. I have things to do.
In the words of my own mom, “Guilt is a wasted emotion.” Think about that. Guilt sucks the life out of you, doesn’t give anything in return, challenges your confidence and know-how…. and nobody has time for bitches like that.) I’m finding that avoiding the common go-to mantras of “I’m failing” and “I feel guilty” sets me up for success. Guilt gets in our way… maybe it even encourages us fail. If someone constantly told themselves that they felt like they were “failing” at their job/profession (outside the home), chances are their quality of work and productivity would downward-spiral and cut their chances of getting that promotion. Tell yourself you’re failing, and you probably will. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. I suppose that working in an industry [showbiz] that constantly tells you how fabulous you are and blows smoke up your butt – only to kick you in that same tushy later – has made me resilient. Even when I have an off day at work (or lose a job, or don’t meet someone’s expectations) I have no choice but to tell myself that “I am fabulous” regardless. As long as I offered the best I had on that given day, I didn’t fail and I won’t feel guilty about it.
Some days will be better than others, but it all evens out in the wash. Make choices appropriate for individual circumstances, do your thing your way, don’t look back and that is that. Bye-bye guilt. Bye-bye failure. So if I hear any more women/mommies say “I feel like I’m failing” or “I feel guilty,” get ready to hear another (very charged!) F-word from me. Now go ahead and give yourself an F for fabulous.
What word drives YOU crazy?
[…] little one, my big one, my middle one or whatever one they choose to freak about on any given day. “I feel guilty” is one of the biggest problems that debilitates moms today. My thoughts: Don’t panic… just FOCUS and USE the in-between moments. Everyone has […]