As a brand new mom (about a whole month now!) I’ve established a new rule for myself: No $#*!-talking around guests. Meaning, absolutely no mentions of poop, diapers, crap, peepee or gaseousness of any kind. Even if I’m thinking about it, I will resist the urge to laughingly announce “Fire Down Below” should my dainty LadyP have a ‘movement’ in the presence of visitors.
I see it like this: Avoiding $#*!-talk is bigger than the obvious ewww-factor… avoiding $#*!-talk from the get-go makes a symbolic promise to yourself, your spouse, your family and your friends that you will miraculously hold on to a shred of yourself through this parenthood-thing. Friends that don’t have kids yet don’t want to hear about your new baby’s bowel movements. It’s the truth. I’m doing this for my friends (so that I can keep them through motherhood)
Just because my life now revolves around a living dijon mustardish soft-serve machine (all you new parents KNOW what I’m talkin’ about!) doesn’t mean that my friends should have to listen to such gross and pointless subjects of conversation. I apologize to all those loved ones that I’ve been careless with thus far. And most of all, I apologize to LadyP… Have faith that Mommy will now save the $#*! talk for the Diaper Genie.
DO YOU AVOID $#*!-TALK AS A NEW MOM?
