Throughout my pregnancy, I was warned by my mom-friends to not get too swept away in Babyland and ignore my husband once our baby arrived… never did it cross my mind that he might ignore me! For the first few weeks that LadyP joined us, I felt like I could count the number of times on one hand that my husband even looked at me… Every single ounce of his attention was aimed at the baby! As much as I love my little girl, I will admit to feeling a bit envious of my darling little LadyP… and a little peeved and confused at my husband’s behavior! I’m not suggesting that babies shouldn’t get more attention than adults (they should), but as someone who went through quite an ordeal to bring another person into this world, I started feeling very dispensable. Was I only a baby-maker and nothing else? “Now that she’s had the baby… who needs her?” As much as we were enjoying our baby, I suddenly felt like I didn’t know my husband anymore! Who was this person and did he notice that I was also in the room? I realize how incredibly immature and selfish this sounds, and how potentially incendiary it is to talk about it out-loud. After all, what mom gets huffy that her baby is sucking away all the attention from the other parent? That’s CRAZY.
Maybe my feelings were provoked by lack of sleep, adjusting hormones or my still-tender C-section stitch, but they sure felt real… and I HATED and DESPISED that I was feeling these things in the first place. In my defense (and I realize I’ve got to make a good one here), my husband and I experienced a beyond-blissful first year of marriage before Baby came along. Is this when the honeymoon ends? Damn. But, I decided our before-baby bliss was not going to disappear without a fight.
Although just a few weeks had passed, it was time to restore balance in our marriage… while making room for baby. If I passively allowed our lack of quality interaction to continue, 2 weeks would quickly turn into 1 month, which would then morph into 1 year, and so on and so on. I saw a glimpse of how easy it is to forget about yourself and your marriage once a newborn arrives. There is time to marvel and enjoy your new baby, but there is also a time to remind yourself that you and your husband were here first. In a panic, here’s how I conquered this predicament last week (with the help of a lot of coffee and inexplicable energy):
I made it a point to shave my legs, do my hair, put on some makeup and cute clothes (at least a few days out of the week). I smiled more (very 1950’s housewife-ish of me)! I cooked a fresh dinner 3 nights (instead of plopping down a frozen meal for us). I popped open a few bottles of wine (for both of us… not just me). I made it a point to coo and admire little LadyP with my husband. I reignited my silly habit of sneaking up behind him and squeezing his bum. I thought of interesting topics to bring up in conversation that had nothing to do with the baby… you get my point.
As trivial and juvenile as my methods were, they actually worked! I am back in love with my husband, he seems to find me cute and interesting again… and no one is envious of LadyP! New moms: don’t let the balance of your home & marriage jump the track once Baby arrives. It takes conscious thought, effort and energy that you don’t have with a newborn, but commit to adjusting quickly in your own personalized way. You will love Baby even more (and hopefully be better parents in the long run?) if you remember that your relationship comes first. Next up for us? Date night. And sex. All in baby steps, right? 🙂
