As of today, ONE week to go. Is it too late to change my mind?
Yes, I’m smiling in my photo below, but if you really look into my eyes you will see FEAR. (Go ahead, look! I told you.)
I know that it’s not appropriate to say this out-loud, but the idea of having another PERSON living with my husband and me – depending on US (or, I should say, depending on ME, the “Mom”) – scares the hell out of me. I am excited, but my excitement is tainted with a whole bunch of other tentative feelings that I’d have thought would have disappeared by now. Frankly, it exhausts me thinking about how every second of my selfish time will be occupied forever and ever within the next 2 weeks. Even though I’ve got all the necessary baby supplies (the bouncy-chair, baby-gym, blah blah blah), I ask myself, “What will I do with this foreign little being all day???” I am now officially “stuck.” Stuck in a GOOD way (in the long run), but also perhaps in a sometimes-suffocating way (in the short run). My husband keeps saying “It’s gonna be a BLAST!” but I’m not naive: this is going to be HARD. C’mon veteran moms: I’m right, right?
As most of the world agrees, the love you give and get with starting a family is worth the tradeoff. I’ve been told that all of my anxiety/fear/psychosis will fly right out the hospital window the second I see my little angel for the first time… and I’m buying into it… but if you people are wrong you’re gonna hear it from me! 🙂
