Was anyone else like me? One year ago today, I found out I was SURPRISINGLY pregnant. Like an ignorant little girl, I cried and cried… convinced that my life was over and I’d never be fun, flirty, fabulous or anything else close to those things again. How stupid I was. In the spirit of self-evaluation, here’s a sum-up of what I thought about it then:
For most women, finding out they’re pregnant is one of the most joyous days of their life. Friends of mine have gloated about the over-the-top ways they told their husbands the good news… Not me. I, instead, opted for standing in my underwear in my tiny white bathroom on a Sunday morning (with three positive home-pregnancy tests in front of me), tears running down my red cheeks and hysterically screaming to my husband “You’d better #ucking get in here right NOW!”
…In my defense, we were not planning on starting a family at this point. We JUST got married this past August and had to skip our honeymoon (thanks to a big, 1-month gig I got). Then, in January, I was out of my full-time job, seriously pissed about it, and hustling to find my next thing. Not to mention, I’d still never been to Paris, Greece, or any other of the exotic locations I’d pictured myself getting drunk at with my husband before having to deal with strollers and carseats…
…What is wrong with me? I’m acting like an immature, ungrateful brat. Some couples struggle with fertility issues and would give anything to find out they’re pregnant. Me? I barely even want to talk about it… I’m chalking it up to MOURNING the end of MYSELF.
…Gone are the days of what I selfishly want to do, and approaching are the days of what I need to do to responsibly raise this new little person. I wasn’t yet ready for this focus shift. Do other women go through this? And, more importantly, will I grow up and snap out of it before the baby comes?
To answer myself now, a year later: No, I didn’t snap out of it right when the baby came, but I slowly starting changing, appreciating and was eventually won-over with what I’ve been blessed with. Every tiny smile, tender coo and burp that comes my way makes me feel like a whole person. Every scream, whine and yelp drives me crazy, but also makes me laugh and question “How did I get here?” That’s all any of us can do. Life is different and I’m getting used to it. Do I miss my old, carefree life? Hell yes! I’m tired of paying babysitters every time I need to work or play. I still haven’t been to Paris or Greece, and getting friendly with cocktails now means that I hate myself at 3am when it’s time to wake up to feed a hungry little stinker. When I work, I find that I’m actually now more focused than I was before-baby. Get in, do the work, get out and get home (because someone else needs you). Like all moms, balancing my old and new self can be difficult at times… but I’m surprisingly enjoying the challenge of it all. My baby hasn’t gotten the best of me, and I’m hoping that’s a good precedent to set for my little one to learn from: You can handle anything you set your mind to. Suck it up, do what you need to do, don’t complain and then have a giggle about it later. Dare I say, this new life is actually FUN. Turns out that LadyP isn’t the only one growing up. Ooops. How did that happen?