Three years ago this upcoming August (ya follow me?), my husband and I celebrated our first anniversary with my big, unexpected 8-month baby bump. We stayed a weekend at the to-die-for Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel, complete with an incredible romantic dinner, spectacular beach, heavenly bed and one of the best massages I’ve ever experienced… and on the inside I was totally miserable.
I’ve written about this before, but I was petrified, terrified and utterly unexcited about having my first baby (I know, I was an immature idiot who was too stupid to see that my life was actually beginning, NOT ending, at the time). I thought, that with the arrival of my precious LadyP, I’d turn into a shell of the aspirational young woman I once was and disappear forever into the abyss of tired old motherhood… with dark circles under my eyes and no more career advancement to show for it.
I was wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. (Thank you Lord.) And I finally saw it clear enough to admit it.
Fast-forward to the present: Last weekend I found myself at the fabulous Ritz Carlton Laguna Niguel again… with the same incredible food, spectacular ocean views, heavenly bed… Except now, I was attending Mom Summit 2.0 as a MOTHER… ‘mom-blogger’ if you will – networking, learning, laughing and realizing that I needed to have my babies so that I could GROW UP.
Some people grow up from work experiences, some grow up from relationship trials, some grow up when they just grow up. I NEEDED TO HAVE BABIES TO GROW UP ALL THE WAY.
For whatever freak-reason, my girls have made me feel confident. They’ve made me feel competent. They’ve made me feel capable. They’ve made me believe that I can figure it out. (All between those times when I seriously don’t know what to do about something, of course.) They’ve made me feel like I’m the best person in the world even if I make an a$$ out of myself for pitching a highly-polarizing and over-the-top controversial segment to HLN’s “Raising America” in front of all my admired peers just to see what happened. Before babies, I had serious anxiety about meeting new people, taking risks and making the perfectly-perfect first impression. I still have those thoughts (hello, I am human), but now they just don’t matter that much. I AM ME. And even if I screw something up big time (which is usually all in our heads anyways), my girls don’t give one iota and still want me to “sit on my bottom on the grass!” so they can throw leaves at me and laugh. And that’s what really feels good.
This last weekend, I feel like I finally became ME. And I like her a lot, despite what anyone else might think. Because “they” don’t matter.
If it wasn’t for my girls (all combined three and a half years of their existence), I never would’ve been curious to dip into this creative and innovative new world of ‘online-motherhood’ and the inspiration, opportunities, friendships and support that I am so very lucky to be experiencing at this point in my life. I never would’ve known the pointed wisdom of The Zen Mom, the super-style and validation-of-my-past from the Project Nursery gals (you two know what I’m talkin’ about!), the sparkling sense of belonging and ongoing motivation from Savvy Sassy Moms, the very-real-and-welcome tough-talking from Hollywood Housewife (you’re writing the wrong crap!)… trust me I can go on and on and on and on. And to think, I thought all the good stuff was going to end the second I became a mom.
SHAME ON ME.
So this Mother’s Day, I’m gonna get a bit bossy and ask you to do something outside of your comfort zone, just to prove that you’ve become stronger after having babies. I’m also gonna squeeze my mostly-messy, louder-than-life munchkins for fabulously honing my focus and raising me so well. I only hope I can do the same for them.
HOW ARE YOUR BABIES RAISING YOU?